Freaky Fetish

I'm still singing the dental woes. I spent 2 1/2 hours in the torture chair this morning, coming out of it with 4 new white fillings (to replace 4 old silvers), a head rush, and a wallet lighter by $1200. So how much is that total now? Anyone keeping count? It must be at least a GAZILLION DOLLARS! Did I mention that I completed said 2 1/2 hours of torture sans novocaine? Yes, that's right, I hate the needle soooooo much that I went in commando, so to speak. It was touch-and-go there a few times -- "you touch me again, and I'm going to GO" --- but I made it through. As I sit here now, I think I need more adjusting on the left bottom molar, but truly, anything close to workable was fine by me. I needed to get OUT of that chair.

By redoing these last four cracked fillings, I now have the go-ahead from the General Dentistry component of my Torture Team. In early September, I received the go-ahead from the Periodontist component of my Torture Team. So now it is up to the third component -- The Ortho Man -- which makes me think of lawn care for some reason.

Last night, in preparation for this morning's festivities, I was mulling over this whole path toward straightened teeth. I decided to do a little googling to see what other's might think about the march toward braces. I did find a nice Yahoo group dedicated to adults with braces. Most members had cute little time ruler thingys attached to their posts that track the time in braces. So, I decided that it would be very cute to have one here on my blog to track my progress:

The problem is that I am apparently too dim-witted to figure out how to add it to the sidebar area, so I'll just plunk it in this post for now ... Of course, I'm sure it won't update automatically, AND unless you go back to this post, you won't see the little ladybug move. OK, but at least it's cute for this one day! Maybe I'll find out how to put it in the sidebar to count DOWN until the braces come off.

So, that's the last "cute," or even remotely pleasant thing that I have to say about my google search for "braces." First off, I found that there are apparently wacko, creepy, lunatics out there that get their jollies from braces !??! The group I joined included a warning to use care when joining a chat room because:

First of all, did you know that some adults have a sexual fetish for photos of young girls in braces? They are out there on the web, and they are probably lurking on this site, too.

Another group was for COLLECTORS of orthodontic devices!?!? OK, these people just need to be rounded up and shipped off to somewhere far, far away. Maybe they should all be fitted with a huge double set of braces!!! ... hmmmmm, maybe that would make them even happier ....

Anyway, the Metal Mouth Message Board did contain some useful information, but it also left me in a cold sweat. There are two sections in particular that I couldn't keep from reading, but probably should have found a way. In "My First Day(s) in Braces", Jannie from San Francisco, CA, said:

The fitting of the braces was probably the most painful part mainly because my teeth were very sore from the spacers already. When the assistant asked me to bite down, I felt like my teeth could fall out any minute.

Linda, from Maryland said:

The first morning I woke up and my teeth were so tender, I didn't even want to brush them. I was alternating between Tylenol 3 and regular Tylenol for a good 5 days. By day 8 the pain had improved to discomfort and pressure.

Hmmmm, can you see why I'm not so damn excited about this process any longer? Then I went on to the "Brace Removal Stories." Most of them talked about an equally horrible removal experience, but ended with a cheery "I'd do it all over again, it was SO worth the effort."

But by that time, I wasn't hearing the positive. Look what I found in the Photo section:

HEADGEAR!?!?!! Okay, no way did I even consider this!! I keep telling myself that the Ortho Man would have at least mentioned the possibility if it was a possibility...........right?

Isn't that the way it works?

Huh?

somebody please throw me a rope.....